Again, I find that it’s true what “they” always say – in many ways it seems like last night that I was blindly packing for a trip that I knew would likely include a funeral, or like it was yesterday when I last spoke on the phone with my dad; yet it also seems like forever ago that sat in a hospital room with my mom and sister after we’d all been up all night or years since I hugged dad’s neck. In any event, this month has flown by.
I imagine at some point I’ll get back around to posting “normal” things here… like the photos above. I went back to Kentucky for a trip I planned in the summer; and I got to take my nephews to Rupp Arena on a Monday night and see a bunch of really good former UK basketball players. I also resumed the UGA musicology grad student tradition of going to home football games, and saw Georgia beat South Carolina.
Nevertheless, I’m still trying to figure out what “normal” means in all parts of my life. Sometimes this means “the ways things have always been,” because technically, my life in Georgia has not changed. But a lot of the time, “normal” means “regular things plus being sad.” I’ve gotten a lot of “How are you doing?” – not the run-of-the-mill “how are you doing,” but rather a you-just-experienced-the-death-of-a-loved-one “how are you doing” (trust me, you can tell the difference); and my answer to this question has generally been, “I’m doing OK,” spoken truthfully.
But my emotional response to all of this has been… unpredictable. As a generally happy person, the state of being sad (like Sad sad) is a little foreign to me. That is, I’m not quite used to the idea of an extended sadness like this, just like I’m not quite used to the experience of frequently being on the verge of tears in everyday situations, like shopping, looking at facebook, or brushing my teeth. So yeah, I’m OK. We’re OK. We will be OK. But pay no mind if you see me weeping in TJ Maxx while trying on shoes.