Wait, you actually expect me to…

The Prospectus was almost adequately defended last Friday. I say “almost” because, of course, there are some changes that need to be made; “adequately” because all committee members signed the form that will eventually get turned into the Grad School, even if Advisor is currently holding it hostage.

I thought the defense was quite stressful and difficult, more so than I was expecting. There were a couple of really hard moments, but overall, the discussion was good and helpful, along with a lot of great feedback. And now I have to incorporate those into my document.

But here’s what I can’t get over. There were moments in the discussion when I realized that we weren’t just talking about some document. We/they were, in fact, discussing a project that someone was going to do... someone, as in ME. No, seriously. This is my dissertation project.

Yes, I know. That was and has been the point of this whole ordeal. But this reality came upon me suddenly (ok, as suddenly as it could, I suppose) and in subsequent waves. As my committee discussed the project, I kept having these thoughts of, “Ah, yes. If one were actually doing this thing, then that would be a very valid concern,” or, “Oh right, yes, someone doing this project would very much need to figure that out…,” which inevitably led to, “OH CRAP. That’s me. I’m going to do this.”

So, yeah. Uh, now, I’m supposed to revise the Prospectus, taking into account the fact that I’m expected to actually conduct this research and write this massive document. And I still think that’s all a bunch of crazy talk.

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3 thoughts on “Wait, you actually expect me to…

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