This past week or so has been pretty rough psychically (according to the New Oxford American Dictionary: of or relating to the soul or mind; I’m not struggling with my clairvoyance). I’ve complained publicly about the prospectus writing process troubles, but I sort of feel like I’ve hit a wall. Floundering is the word that comes to mind.* Or maybe stalled… Neither is good (an uncritical dualist assessment seems appropriate here).
And while its fun to blame Advisor or the system or, um, plate tectonics (cf. Rhett Miller’s song, “Singular Girl”: fair warning, if you click on that link, I guarantee you will not be able to resist the dreaminess of Mr. Miller. Carry on.), I need to accept the bulk of the blame. You see, what I have not been doing in the past month is reading and transcribing (as the GMD suggested, it’s always a good idea to get back to the primary sources). Considering I’m on this journey towards a PhD, the truth of this confession is bad (again, an uncritical dualist assessment seems appropriate).
Worship Pastor is big on attitude. It’s something that he has always emphasized with our team and something I know that he emphasizes with his cute little boys. And it’s something that I need to adjust. And following my own attitude adjustment in this particular area of my life, I need to Get Stuff Done, and seriously, there is more than enough to do.
So, if I actually believe what I’m saying here… I’m confessing that I need to re-commit to my project and take ownership of it. Even if it’s a lot more fun to wallow and complain about it.
*To flounder means to struggle or stagger helplessly or clumsily in water or mud. This definition reminds me of a music video/song I used to love: Faith No More’s “Epic.” The video ends with a flopping fish and a little piano solo (the fish is not exactly floundering, but this is my thought process and my blog, so there).